


broken mirrors

by wisewolf



Series: finding home [1]
Category: Mean Girls - Richmond/Benjamin/Fey
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Body Dysmorphia, Established Relationship, F/F, Panic Attacks, body image issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-18
Updated: 2020-09-18
Packaged: 2021-03-07 17:40:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,145
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26521570
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wisewolf/pseuds/wisewolf
Summary: She can’t go out tonight.They have reservations at 7pm, and it’s 5:30pm, and her makeup and hair is all done, but she can’t go out. She can’t go out because it doesn’t fit, why doesn’t it fit? Her favorite, prettiest black dress, the dress that’s always hugged her curves perfectly. Her showstopper, paired with a red lip and a stylish wave to her hair, all brought together to stun her girlfriend speechless.And it doesn’t fit.(or, the one where Regina's dress doesn't fit)
Relationships: Regina George/Janis Sarkisian
Series: finding home [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1842352
Comments: 7
Kudos: 49





	broken mirrors

**Author's Note:**

> hello. i'm here with angst
> 
> tw for like. discussion of body image, weight, body dysmorphia
> 
> a panic attack also occurs, so just take care of y'all'selves
> 
> also minor description of an injury and some blood

She can’t go out tonight.

They have reservations at 7pm, and it’s 5:30pm, and her makeup and hair is all done, but she can’t go out. She can’t go out because it doesn’t  _ fit, why doesn’t it fit? _ Her favorite, prettiest black dress, the dress that’s always hugged her curves perfectly. Her showstopper, paired with a red lip and a stylish wave to her hair, all brought together to stun her girlfriend speechless.

And it doesn’t fit.

Her hands shake as she struggles with the zipper, trying to pull it up as tears well in her eyes. She can’t even get a good grip on the small, insignificant, little piece of metal because her palms are starting to sweat, and she has to grip the edge of the counter to steady herself. It doesn’t budge where it’s stuck at her mid-back, and she feels a knot building in her throat.

She doesn’t want to cry. It feels stupid to cry about her dress not fitting, so  _ stupid, _ and it’s not like she has time to fix her makeup if it runs at all, but here she is, standing in her bathroom with her dress half-zipped and tears spilling over onto her cheeks. Her knuckles turn white where she’s clutching the counter.

Janis is just outside in the bedroom, probably done getting ready already. She probably looks gorgeous in a pair of slacks and a tucked in button up and a nice blazer, all ready and waiting patiently for her girlfriend to come out of the bathroom in a stunning ensemble that’ll surely have her worshipping the ground beneath her Louboutins.

Her reflection mocks her. Black is supposed to be slimming, but she can see her stomach pushing the fabric out, the way the seams stretch against her thighs. It’s supposed to  _ fit _ and it  _ doesn’t _ and her chest is rising and falling with shallow breaths as she pushes the damned thing off of her body, leaving her only in a pair of pasties and a barely there scrap of lace between her legs.

There isn’t even a gap between her thighs.

Despair twists and bubbles in her gut as she stifles a sob. Has she let herself go? She was taking a break from some of her exercises to rest her back at the instruction of her trainer and her doctor, but she can’t have put on weight this quickly. Has she been eating too much? There has to be an answer, there  _ has to be. _

And, of course, the spanx she bought for this specific scenario, if it were to ever come up, are in her closet, and to get to her closet she’d have to get by Janis who would be on her immediately if she saw tears. It almost makes her angry how much she knows Janis would care if she knew what was happening behind the bathroom door, irrationally. Or maybe it’s rational, because the woman who’s probably sitting on their shared bed, oblivious to her girlfriend’s breakdown, is one of the reasons she’s got the stretch marks on her thighs and stomach, the glaring reminders of what she gained in junior year.

Regina doesn’t even recognize what she’s done until she cries out in pain, glass shards embedding in her knuckles as she jerks her fist away from the splintered mirror. She cradles her hand close to her, sinking to the floor as she sobs. She can feel the rolls of her stomach folding over one another and it makes her throat constrict.

The bathroom door opens, and just as she suspected, Janis looks as hot as ever in an outfit similar to the one she’d predicted. She’s immediately on her knees next to Regina, her worried tone grating on the blonde’s final nerve.

“Baby, what happened?” she asks, one hand falling to Regina’s knee while the other grabs a towel to drape over her basically naked girlfriend. After hearing the crash and the scream, she’s not sure what she expected upon opening the door, but Regina sobbing on the floor after punching their bathroom mirror is certainly not it.

“Get out,” Regina snaps. She tries to scoot away from Janis, the towel slipping down, getting stained red where it rubs against her fist. The tears in her eyes aren’t just from her sadness, but now from the radiating pain in her knuckles.

Janis shakes her head and holds her firmly in place, wrapping her fingers around her wrist so she won’t wildly move her fist and injure it more. “You punched our fucking mirror and now you’re on the floor crying, I’m staying.”

“Just leave me alone!” She rips her hand away and backs herself into the corner with the bathtub. Her mascara, despite claiming to be waterproof, has smeared all around her eyes and down her cheeks. Everything feels cold, her shoulders and lips tingling, but there’s an extreme, throbbing heat where her knuckles connected with the mirror. “Like you  _ all _ did junior year!”

“What does junior year have to do with any of this?” Janis tries to ask gently, even as her worry grows the more frantic Regina gets. She can see the violent shaking beginning to take over her body, all too familiar to the time she stood too close to the edge of the subway platform and got startled into a panic by the rushing wind of the subway. “Talk to me, Regina, please.”

“Go away,” Regina whimpers, curling around her fist as she struggles to breathe. She knows exactly what’s happening, the way her knees are wobbling despite the fact she’s not even standing, the way her lips are starting to go numb.

Janis looks at her with anguish written all over her face before she stands up, and Regina sobs thinking she might actually be leaving, her brain screaming at her to wait even as she knows her mouth told her repeatedly to leave, but then she’s opening the medicine cabinet and unscrewing the cap on an amber bottle of pills. She pours one out into her open palm and fills a glass of water before sitting down beside her. “Do you think you can take this?” she asks quietly, trying to be as unobtrusive as possible. When she gets a wary look, she continues, “It’s the Xanax your psychiatrist prescribed. I’ll help you hold the water, okay?”

She still looks reluctant, even as her chest burns with the aching need to breathe. Her eyes switch between the pill and Janis before she shakily picks up the former and puts it on her tongue, feeling like gagging at the slight pressure. Janis lets her hold the glass in her uninjured hand, making sure she doesn’t spill or drop it as she washes the pill down.

The water helps a little with the tightness in her throat, and she gasps a little when Janis pulls the cup away. A warm hand rubs against her back, neutral territory.

“I’m gonna get you a t-shirt and some sweatpants so I can take you to the hospital and get your hand looked at, alright?” Janis says gently. The soothing scratching and rubbing against her back sends warmth shooting through her, still after almost six months of dating. “I’ll be right back.”

Regina nods and watches Janis pour out the glass of water in the sink before disappearing into the bedroom. She can hear rummaging in their dresser, and in no time, her girlfriend is back holding a pair of NYU sweatpants and one of the Columbia t-shirts that Regina’s mom had bought upon Regina’s acceptance.

With some mild maneuvering, now that Regina’s mostly stopped shaking besides some random tremors, they get her dressed without aggravating her hand. Janis gets a warm, wet cloth to press against it before they both venture out of the apartment and out into the hall.

It’s mostly empty in the building, thankfully. The doorman gives them both a worried look as they pass through, but Janis just gives him a thumbs up that says “it’s handled” and gets Regina down to the parking garage. Never in her life has she been more thankful for the George’s family wealth as she helps Regina into the passenger seat and gets into the driver's side to start heading to the nearest hospital. With traffic as it is it’ll take awhile, so that gives them time to talk.

“Do you wanna tell me what’s going on in that pretty little head of yours?” Janis says after a few minutes of sitting in silence, waiting for a light to turn.

Regina remains quiet, staring out the window as she puts pressure on her fist. She’s grimacing, obviously in pain, and obviously not too open to a conversation about what just happened.

“I’m not Karen, I can’t just figure out how you’re feeling based on looking at you,” Janis jokes lightly, trying to coax even the faintest smile out of her girlfriend. When she sees the slight quirk, she feels a glow inside her chest, but then it drops almost immediately.

“Do you think I’m fat, Janis?” she whispers.

_ Is that what this is about? _

“I think you’re beautiful,” Janis replies easily, glancing at Regina out of the corner of her eye.

Regina scoffs and closes her eyes, a few more tears slipping down her cheeks. “Don’t patronize me. You don’t have to spare my feelings, I already know what I am.”

“Baby,” Janis sighs heavily as they stop at a red light, drumming her thumbs against the steering wheel as she tries to come up with a tactful response to her girlfriend’s obvious feelings of inadequacy. “Even if you were fat, that wouldn’t make you any less beautiful. Body fat and beauty aren’t correlated.”

They’re quiet for a few more minutes before:

“My dress didn’t fit.”

“Okay,” Janis says quietly, mulling over this new information. “Do you want to get new clothes?”

It’s like that question fully turns on the waterworks because Regina’s sobs immediately return. She looks miserable with her bleeding hand held close to her chest, curled up in the passenger seat. Her heaving breaths aren’t stuttered like when she was panicking before, but she still hiccups every few seconds and it scares Janis a little. She’s never seen her girlfriend this distraught.

“I want my old body back,” Regina says, wiping furiously at her cheeks. Her mascara is far beyond smeared, at this point, and she almost feels ashamed that she’s going to be showing up somewhere public looking so disheveled. “I want  _ my _ clothes to fit.”

“Baby-”

“I want to look good for you,” she mumbles, sniffling. She turns to look out the window again at the other cars on the street, the people walking on the sidewalks, unknowing to her pain just a few feet away from their lives.

Janis wants to reach out, to put her hand on Regina’s knee like she sometimes does if they go for drives, but she’s not sure how it’d be received. She instead diverts her attention to finding a place to park, finding a spot miraculously quickly. It’s a little tight, but she gets out and rounds the back of the car to open the door for Regina.

The waiting room is packed when they get in, Janis keeping an arm around Regina’s slightly hunched shoulders as she leads them up to the front desk to check in. She figures they look quite a pair, Janis in her suit and Regina in essentially pajamas with perfect hair, yet smeared makeup and a hand cradled close to her body.

“What’s the wait time?” Janis asks, already starting to look around with a grimace at the fact there’s no open chairs in the room. When she turns back, the nurse is giving her an apologetic look.

“It’ll probably be two hours, maybe more. I’m sorry, ma’am.”

She almost wants to argue, to tell them her girlfriend’s hand literally has glass in it, but she feels Regina tug at the edge of her blazer as she minutely shakes her head, so she shuts her mouth and walks over to a free wall to sit on the floor. Regina tucks herself into Janis’ side, moving the washcloth to peek at her hand; it’s already swelling a little, and it still hurts like a bitch, but the bleeding seems to have abated somewhat.

“I feel like I should’ve had you take some pain meds before we left,” Janis mumbles as Regina leans against her shoulder, tucking herself comfortably in her girlfriend’s side. Her middle finger draws patterns into the sleeve of Regina’s t-shirt as she thinks, resting her head on Regina’s. “How are you feeling?”

“Tired,” she says softly. In truth, she feels emotionally exhausted from her breakdown, not to mention the mellowness that comes with taking her Xanax. The only thing keeping her awake is the discomfort of sitting on the hospital floor and the pain in her hand.

Janis is about to ask another question when someone clears their throat above them. They both look up to see a young woman with a purse hanging at her elbow, hand held out, a slight smile on her lips. In her outstretched hand is a small package of makeup wipes. “I know I wouldn’t wanna see a doctor with ruined makeup. You’ve obviously had quite the day.”

It looks like Regina might start crying again, vulnerable as she is, so Janis takes a few wipes and quietly thanks the woman. She walks back over to sit with a younger boy, maybe a kid brother, waving when she sees Janis is still watching them.

The layers of makeup come off easily, Janis gently rubbing over Regina’s face to wipe away the mask. It makes the blonde look younger, more fragile, with her puffy, red eyes and the youthful freckles that dot over her nose and the apples of her cheeks. She tries not to feel too naked in view of all these strangers, dressed down and without the things she thinks make her prettiest, most well liked.

“Stop looking at them,” Janis says gently, squeezing Regina’s shoulder and trying to urge her to cuddle closer into her side. “Just rest your eyes a little. It’ll be awhile before we see a doctor, I bet.”

It’s hours before the couple is able to go home, the glass picked from Regina’s skin before the lacerations are delicately stitched up. The drive back to their apartment is in silence, and Janis leaves Regina on the couch so she can clean up as much of the broken mirror as possible.

When she gets back, Regina is silently crying again, her eyes closed as she sits with her knees up to her chest. Janis sits down next to her on the couch, her blazer removed and her sleeves rolled up, but otherwise no different than she had looked hours earlier when she first found Regina in the bathroom.

“Princess?” Janis prompts. She rests her hand palm up on her knee, inviting Regina to hold it, but not forcing the gesture.

“I feel so stupid,” Regina replies hoarsely, staring straight ahead at the dark TV screen. “What the fuck is wrong with me? I must look so insane to you.”

“I’ll admit, I was a little startled when I heard the mirror break and then your scream.” Janis runs a hand through her hair to do something with it. She slumps back on the couch and looks down at her lap, loosing a long breath as she ponders her next words. “I don’t think you’re stupid, though.”

Regina scoffs and wipes at her cheeks with her uninjured hand, sniffling. “We were supposed to have a nice date tonight, and instead I freaked out about my dress not fucking fitting. We spent our six month anniversary in the ER instead of at a nice restaurant.”

“I don’t care about our anniversary,” Janis says strongly, though she immediately sees the hurt on Regina’s face and hastens to clarify. “I mean I don’t care about how we spent our anniversary. Obviously I care about the whole thing as a- a whole, but I- I just care about being with you. And if that means spending our anniversary in the ER, then so be it.”

Almost immediately, Regina is leaning into her and starting to cry into her chest. Janis immediately wraps her up in a hug, tucking Regina’s head under her chin. She’s not sure what the tears are about now, if it’s still about her weight or-

“I love you so goddamn much,” she croaks, burying her face further into Janis’ neck.

Janis’ brain stalls at that word.

_ Love. _

_ Regina loves me? _

“Shit,” Regina curses, pulling away quickly, her eyes wide and a little panicked. “I didn’t- I didn’t mean to say that? Well, at least, not say it like that.”

“So you do mean it, then?” Janis asks quietly, lightly resting her hand on Regina’s leg. They both look down at their point of contact, the way the calloused, pale hand strokes gently over Regina’s thigh. “You love me?”

“I wanted to wait a little longer,” Regina admits. She’s playing with her fingers in her lap, pushing her cuticles back with her thumb nail. “It felt too early. I thought I might- I might scare you. We only moved in together last month.”

Janis brings her hand up to Regina’s cheek, stroking over her freckles before their eyes meet and she whispers, “I love you.” Then, she chuckles and leans forward to press their foreheads together, feeling Regina inhale sharply at the intimate gesture. “I hope you learn to love your body like I love it.”

Regina’s expression fractures a bit and she lets out a ragged breath, her chest heaving a little. She feels so warm in that moment, her face burning and her heart pounding as blood rushes in her ears.

_ Janis loves me. _

“I love you,” she repeats, angling in to press their lips together for the first time that night, the first time she’s felt comfortable initiating a romantic gesture all night. She melts into it, her hands tangling in Janis’ hair as they move, pushing and pulling before Janis pulls away to give her a glowing smile.

“Let’s go to bed,” she says quietly. Her nails scratch gently at the side of Regina’s neck, and she smiles when her girlfriend returns the warm look and leans into her hand. “Come on, it’s been a long day.”

When they stand up, Regina grabs Janis a little clumsily with her left, less dominant hand and pulls her in for another kiss.

“What was that for?” Janis whispers, glancing between her eyes.

Regina shrugs and smiles, gently pushing her away. “Just felt like it.”

“I love you.” Janis links their fingers together and kisses her knuckles. “And I love saying that.”

“I love you too.”

**Author's Note:**

> how many finding home fics can i end with i love yous? the answer may surprise you.
> 
> hey! if you liked this fic, please drop a kudos and/or a comment! it really makes my day/night when i see those little emails pop up. find me on my tumblr @kingwisewolf where i answer headcanon asks and do requests and generally reblog... whatever i want
> 
> take care of yourselves. peace.


End file.
